what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
