I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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