i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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