um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
