i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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