3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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