dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
