i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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