I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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