just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
