i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
