Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
