whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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