I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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