We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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