I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
