is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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