i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
