That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
