i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize