I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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