yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
