I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
