I can tuck mytits in my pants
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
