Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if i can run in heels then i can drive
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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