he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
