Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
