Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
