Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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