HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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