so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize