Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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