Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
