FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
