I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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