Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
