Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
