he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
