I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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