what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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