you mean i was at the winter classic?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
