She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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