I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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