dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
