I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
