My first STD was from a foam party
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
