I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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