im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
