I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
