weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
