I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
