Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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