Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
