no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
