yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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