Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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