Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize