i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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