it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Drunk is not a location!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize