I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
