I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
