he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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