I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
