They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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