I must be too annoying 4 u.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I touched a dick in church today
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
