i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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