oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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