I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I want a musical about memes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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